Dad

Dear Daughter,

As your Dad, I wish I could protect you from any pain and suffering this world is going to throw at you. I can’t.

There are too many variables outside of my control.  So instead, let’s reframe the problem so you can deal with the suffering and come out the other side stronger. 

This is difficult to write because I am wired to keep you safe.  

Instead I’ll offer some words shared by John Roberts, Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court, to his son’s 9th grade graduating class… 

From time to time in the years to come, I hope you will be treated unfairly, so that you will come to know the value of justice. I hope that you will suffer betrayal because that will teach you the importance of loyalty. Sorry to say, but I hope you will be lonely from time to time so that you don’t take friends for granted. I wish you bad luck, again, from time to time so that you will be conscious of the role of chance in life and understand that your success is not completely deserved and that the failure of others is not completely deserved either. And when you lose, as you will from time to time, I hope every now and then, your opponent will gloat over your failure. It is a way for you to understand the importance of sportsmanship. I hope you’ll be ignored so you know the importance of listening to others, and I hope you will have just enough pain to learn compassion. Whether I wish these things or not, they’re going to happen. And whether you benefit from them or not will depend upon your ability to see the message in your misfortunes.

 Here’s to finding the best in the worst.

Dear Daughter,

Read that quote again, but this time with an emphasis on the word – learn.  

Go ahead, I’ll wait…

Learning, at a very high level, is a collection of your failures and I hope you fail, alot!  

I’ve been rooting for all of your failures for the last 13+ years and they mean the world to me…  

You probably don’t remember your first steps but I do. They were fraught with failure and more determination to overcome each fall with better balance along with a subconscious checklist of what worked and what didn’t. 

For most, failure becomes a thing to avoid. When in reality the fear of failure is typically greater than the failure itself.  Failure will hurt, just not as bad as you might think. Learning how to navigate those fears and continuing to fail in new ways will accelerate your growth. 

Test → Fail → Learn → Improve → Repeat

Embrace your mistakes. Get better at reflecting on those mistakes and asking yourself what you learned. The value of failing is learning. 

Dear Daughter,

When I was in 3rd grade my teacher presented your Nina with a choice.  He [my teacher] noticed I was comfortable with the curriculum but felt I had the potential to be pushed outside of my comfort zone.  After weighing the options, Nina made what she believed to be the best choice for me at that particular moment in time.

I’ve heard this story a few times and wonder if Nina thinks I would have benefited more had she made a different decision.  

Truth is, this one choice did not define me. 

If you let a single belief define you, the less capable you are of adapting when life challenges you.

What is important for you to know is that whatever choices I made, or make, on your behalf are because I believed they would give you the best chance at being the best version of yourself. Now that responsibility falls largely to you.  

What is important for you to learn is that the choices you make for yourself are entirely within your control. Becoming the best version of yourself requires you to continuously edit your beliefs, and to upgrade and expand your identity.

Keep pushing to operate just outside of your comfort zone, this is the space where you’ll make the most progress and it will be the most rewarding.

Dear Daughter,

Congratulations on getting through another year…life’s about to get even better than the last twelve.

But — (Spoiler Alert) — not before it gets a little worse.

As you continue your journey up this long and treacherous path towards becoming a young adult you are going to face a lot of new challenges.

Some will be amazing.  (New friendships, first kiss, more independence.)

Others, not so much. (Mean girls, first heartbreak, more responsibilities.)

All bringing you brand new situations, challenges and uncertainty that will influence your growth as a person. However, this kind of growth will be uncomfortable because you’ve never experienced anything like this before.

This is not a bad thing.

As humans, we are hardwired to want to push through pain as fast as possible so we can get back to that ‘feel good’ place of comfort. 

The mistake is not taking the time to think through these challenges to foster good decision making.  

Do this too often and you’ll end up spending all your time fixing bad decisions instead of having the time to make good decisions. Resulting in an endless loop of new problems and more pain.

Know there is a better way…Realize that most people will not choose the harder path…This becomes your edge.  

Do not rush to resolve the uncomfortable. 

Instead, embrace these feelings of uncertainty.

Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

—

Love you to pieces!

Dad